Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Summer Fun

Ah! I have been horrible with posting lately. I've been so busy I've barely had time to think, let alone blog! We both just got over being sick again, what's new with that though? The only problem with me, was it was another double whammy. Food poisoning again (which equated to a night of hell throwing up every hour, on the hour) on top of a sore throat and a nasty chest cold.

We are kinda happy summer is in full swing around these parts. Bring on the sun, water, boating, trips, hiking, and all the other fun adventures it brings! We have SO much going on this summer it seems! I thought last year was busy with Europe and all, but I think we may have it beat this year. We've got a few trips planned up to the house in Island Park, along with that comes trips hopefully to Jackson Hole and Yellowstone - places which were practically my backyard growing up! I'm also planning on introducing the in-laws to Mesa Falls, a place they didn't know existed, let alone was so close to the house until I told them about it a few weeks ago. Maybe I can even get them to swing up to Targhee on our way to/from Jackson...hopefully the hubs and I can make a trip up there this winter so he can experience my old stomping grounds (I may or may not have skipped school to go boarding up there a sometimes during high school, just sayin'). Then, we're also lining up a cruise to the Eastern Carribbean (aka Virgin Islands), and then there's always the usual weekend escapes to Park City. To top it all off, Mike's in school for summer semester, and I've got the usual photo shoots going on, girl's dates, etc. So, I guess we're staying pretty busy!

Okay, enough talk, on to a few photos. :)
 We tagged along with Sabrina to help with the Kiddos while she did pictures for Ben's birthday coming up. And by kiddos, I mean Nate.
 This kid LOVES his Uncle Mikee, or 'Kikee", as he calls him. When he sees me without Mike, he comes running up to me and goes, "Kikee? Kikee?" and when I tell him he's home, he goes, "Oh. Kikee? Kikee??". That kid can't get enough of Mike. I think Mike's pretty fond of him too. ;-)
 Typical Nate...running the OPPOSITE way when his Mom tries to get him to stand still for two seconds to get a shot in.
Typical as well. Mike with the kids close behind. I love how he loves kids so much! I can't wait to see what he'll be like as a Dad when that day comes.
 The Supermoon the night before Easter.
 I went up to Sundance with a close friend of mine on a girl's day photowalk, and this guy was sitting on the ground, and was content to let me get REALLY close and snap away for a few minutes. I was seriously only about 3 feet away. I could have gotten closer, but I didn't have a macro lens on, dang it!
Few things stop me in the middle of my tracks, this was one of them. I don't know why, but I loved it and the feelings it evoked in myself. Can I just say I'm proud to have Cherokee heritage? (My great-great grandfather was full-blooded, I'm 1/8.)

Anyway, that's what's been happening around these parts! Ciao!

Monday, May 7, 2012

Mother's Day and Fast Sundays

I know over the last 18 months, I've talked about our infertility and miscarriages a lot. Partly because when I write, it helps me process and come to terms with things easier than it does if I don't talk about it, and partly because I know there are other couples with similar, if not the same, issues, and I know how much it helps me to know there are those who know what it's like, even if I don't know them personally. I just hope that I can help others by being as open as I can about things. Let's face it. It's hard not talk or think about it a lot to when it's something you have to face each and every day you wake up. Especially this time of year, as we are approaching Mother's Day.

Call me a pessimist, call me whatever you will, but I'm not going to lie and pretend infertility is a walk in the park. Last year at this time, I was about to recieve news I had had my second miscarriage in four months. And to top it all off, Mother's Day is Sunday, which isn't exactly something I've looked forward to since Mother's Day 2009. All it's become to me is just another reminder of what we've lost, and the heartache we've experienced. And it doesn't help when others come up to me and say, "Even though you're not a mother yet, Happy Mother's Day!" Seriously?!? That's about one of the worst things you could say to someone in our situation, because I DO consider myself a mother! I've lost not one, but THREE children in pregnancy. Children that were my own flesh and blood, children that were a part of me, were living human beings. Children that I loved, and still love, with all my heart, even though I didn't carry full-term. So please, don't tell me I'm a not mother yet, because I am. Needless to say, Mother's Day isn't exactly my favorite day of the year right now. I guess you could say I have the Mother's Day Blues right about now..

I don't exactly enjoy Fast Sundays anymore either. Let me explain. First of all, our ward is Storkville Central, and it's not uncommon to have 2 or more baby blessings each Fast Sunday. Secondly, with Mike being as sick as he is, it means he doesn't make it to church every week like he would like to, which in turn means I'm going at it alone quite a bit. Let me just say that in and of itself isn't exactly easy. Every Sunday I wake up and think it would be so much easier to roll over, go back to sleep, and forget about church, but I force myself to get up. Yesterday was one of those Sundays for me, especially since it was Fast Sunday, and I knew there would be a baby blessing or two. But, I still made myself go.

Sure enough, there were two baby blessings. One of the families I was excited for, because they've had infertility issues as well, and their baby girl was nothing short of a miracle. However, for some reason, the other baby blessing was tough for me to get through. I struggled through the rest of Sacrament to hold back a river of tears. By time the closing prayer was done, I couldn't keep myself together much longer, and made a beeline for the door. Mike heard me walk in when I got home and came walking out with his arms wide open, knowing all too well what was going on. As I ran into his arms, the flood of tears came.

We ended up back in bed not too long after, since I was such a wreck, and he just sat there and held me and cuddled for what ended up being about four hours, not once complaining or even mentioning how sick he was feeling. I love that man! He looked at me at one point and said, "Neither of us are going to Sacrament meeting on Fast Sunday anymore if both of us can't go. It's too hard to go at it alone, especially with baby blessings." I couldn't agree with him more. Think and say what you will, but when you come home immediately after Sacrament meeting (sometimes I've only made it until after the Sacrament) in tears each Fast Sunday for the past few months, then you'd understand. Especially if you're husband is too sick to even make it to church, and you're going alone. It kind of defeats the purpose of going to church if you come home feeling like you just got hit by a train, feel like you can barely breathe, and are completely and totally crushed. Don't get me wrong, I love church and I love Sacrament meeting especially Fast Sundays, but the baby blessings, not so much. But, I am so grateful for a spouse who recognizes and understands this and is there with open arms. There's no way I could do this without him. :-)

*On a side note, we've been pretty busy around here - trip to Idaho, lots of photo shoots and TIGHT deadlines, finals, new semester, etc. Life isn't about to slow down this summer either! More on all this soon!