So, I know I've been MIA the last few weeks. Mostly because things have been absolutely crazy, and there hasn't been a whole ton really worth mentioning. First, Mike's neck went from bad...to worse. Then, we BOTH got a nasty bug that made me sick for two and a half weeks (which never happens), and Mike for three. Now, we're both over it, thank goodness, but Mike is sick with another bug again, this time hopefully it's just a cold. Not to mention everything else which has happened, which I will spare you. It's been a tad crazy that's for sure.
In other news, we're trying to actively get pregnant again. Which is a lot easier said than done. We've now been off birth control since the beginning of February 2009 (just 3 weeks after we got married we called bc quits), and so far nothing to show for it except a miscarriage in January, then another in May, which, let's be honest, I'm still not over yet. Needless to say, it's been a nerve-wracking and emotional month. I don't have a lot left in me, but we're giving it one more try, and it better happen before October, otherwise we are calling it quits for quite a while.
The thing is, unless you've been in a situation like ours, or similar to ours, where you're told you'll never be able to have kids (we knew this before we got married), but then literally beat the odds and get pregnant, not once, but twice, and have both result in miscarriage, it takes it out of you. The emotional roller-coaster, the monthly mind-game of "am I pregnant or not pregnant this month?", the physical toll, the constant ache of wanting to have a baby so bad you'd do just about anything to be pregnant and carry to full-term, to be pregnant and be ecstatic with joy only to have that and part of yourself ripped away not once, but twice, is hard to understand if you've never been there. So many people have told us to not give up, or just roll with the punches, or it will happen again soon, or to just 'move on' with our lives, yada, yada, yada, have no idea just how hard it has been. Oh trust me, we want kids more than anything, and have nearly worn holes in the floor over the time we've spent in prayer over it, and have cried enough tears to fill the Mississippi, and hearing those things come out of the mouths of people who really have no idea what this kind of situation is like is HARD. Because they have no idea what they are talking about. No idea what it's like.
Maybe someday I'll share everything that happened. But not right now. Re-living the pain and emotions is something I do every day. I'm not the same person I was seven months ago. But I'm not ready to publicly share everything we have gone through. For now, we are doing everything we can to get pregnant again, and hoping and praying this last attempt works. Not only works, but is a viable pregnancy. We are both giving it our all for this one last shot - emotionally and physically. But, in our heart-of-hearts, we feel like it's the right time, that everything will be okay and we'll have our baby here in our arms soon. Hopefully we'll have some good news on this front in the next few months. No, positive mindset, we will have good news. In the meantime, keep us in your prayers, because we can use all the help we can get.