Friday, December 31, 2010

Christmas Miracle

Wow. Where do I even start? So much has happened many things I've wanted to blog about, but I haven't been sure just how to. So, I decided to break it up into two different posts, this one and one about our Christmas shenanigans, so you won't have to bear one monster post. I've thought about how to present this story, what parts to tell, what not to, but I've decided I'm just going to speak very candidly and openly about everything.

As many of you know, this year hasn't exactly been a smooth ride for us. Between Mike's health issues the last six months, things going on with my family, and school, there were times it felt like we just couldn't catch a break; it was just one bit of bad news after another.

Toward the end of November, I had had enough of everything that was going on. (Not to mention the stress of upcoming final exams wasn't helping.) I was just plain tired of trying to keep a happy face on. I was doing ok keeping on my feet until my menstrual cycle came - again. It was devastating. It was the end of the rope for me, and I was in tears for hours. We've been off birth control for 22 months, and I was tired of getting hopeful that each month would be the month my cycle wouldn't come, but it always did. So many of my friends are pregnant, and even though I was extremely happy for them, I couldn't help but wish it was me. No matter how hard I tried to act like it wasn't a big deal that it had been so long we were off birth control, I could never hide the fact from myself the last few months that it was wearing me down. Fast. I was tired of waiting. Tired of the relentless questions over when we were going to start having kids and why we didn't already, etc.

For those of you who don't know our situation with this, here's the background story in a nutshell:

Mike was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma when he was 18, and was immediately hospitalized due to his tumor size and severity of his situation. Not a minute too soon. The next day his lung collapsed, and his life literally hung in the balance. In the haste of getting him into immediate treatment, they gave him minutes to get a semen sample to save some sperm. Well, needless to say he was so sick (along with having a collapsed lung) it was impossible. So, he went through chemotherapy and radiation without having been able to freeze any sperm.

Well, while he was on his temple mission once he was in remission, he went in to have a sperm count done. When it came back, they told Mike they had found absolutely no sperm. 

I knew about this while we were dating. Mike had told me, but for some reason it never really bothered me. Once we got married we didn't doubt that a way would be opened for a miracle to occur for us to get pregnant. We didn't know how long we would have to wait, let alone when it would happen, but we didn't doubt that it would.

Shortly before finals, I asked Mike to give me a blessing to simply help cope. During the blessing, I was told the time had come for us to concieve. It was quite an overwhelming though! It didn't take long for some fears to come creeping in, and a few nights later I told Mike I didn't know if I had the strength to go through another menstrual cycle. He simply took me in his arms and reassured me things would be ok.

A few days later, I was getting ready to take my last exam, and for some reason or another, I was so anxious about it I couldn't stop shaking. Mike didn't even hesitate when I asked him to give me a blessing to help calm me down. Not only did the blessing help calm me, but the last thing that was told me was the Lord had granted me the desire of my heart. I felt at that instant that I was pregnant, but I brushed it off thinking it was nothing. I wrapped up my studying a few hours later, and took the exam. When I got home, Mike looked at me and said, "Um, you're pregnant." I stared at him in disbelief because I had felt that same thing at the end of the blessing. He then told me while he was giving me the blessing the words came to him to say that I was with child, but he was so shocked over it that he said what he said instead. Needless to say I was ecstatic but dumbfounded. I couldn't believe it had happened because we've been off bc for so long! It was surreal!

It didn't take long for the Adversary to really start working on me though, making me doubt. In several subsequent blessings in the coming week, I was told not to doubt, and one in particular I was told, "As surely as the sun rises, there is a child* within you." (*We were told the sex of the baby in this, but that's another time.) I was also told that our child spends as much time with me as he/she is allowed, and is excited to come, but the Adversary is working overtime right now to try to get me to doubt and become discouraged.

Well, a few days before Christmas, I began experiencing those lovely early pregnancy symptoms. Extreme fatique, nausea, as well as others. Including the mood swings. It's been like PMS times ten! But, despite how miserable I've felt at times, I have to keep reminding myself it's all going to be worth it. Hopefully when the morning sickness hits it won't be too bad!

So, what did we get for Christmas this year? Our very own Christmas miracle. A *very* tender mercy of the Lord. I already love how Mike seems to get more and more excited each time we talk about it! I'm due September 7, which seems *forever* away, but at the same time it will go fast, I'm sure. And, I am excited to get a baby bump eventually! This upcoming year is going to be busy, but will bring a lot of new and exciting changes!

"There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."    
-Albert Einstein

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

One More Down

Well, Christmas break has officially started! (And so has the countdown to graduation.. It seems weird to have only 39 more credits left..) And, believe it or not, I pulled a B in physics! Divine intervention? I think so. No, but really, it had to have been.. :-)

Now, the question is, what am I going to do with myself?!? I feel like I still need to be feverishly studying for exams. Honestly, I hope we get more snow so we can hit the slopes...and so I can get my snowboarding fix in a hurry. In the meantime, it's time for a good book. Maybe some Jane Austen? I think so.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Girl's Day

School is almost done for the semester.. Only one more day of classes, three finals, and I'm done! Today though, was fabulous. After class, Heidi, one of my awesome roommates from freshman year, and I finally headed out to do a girl's day! It was a much needed break, and a fun final "hurrah" I guess you could say, before she graduates and goes off to Atlanta to get married. (Insert sad face here - not over the fact she's getting married, but over the fact she's leaving) The combination of facials, girl talk, and the temple was *just* what the doctor ordered.

I love going to the temple - life seems to be easier to handle, problems don't seem as big, and you feel more grateful for the things you are blessed with. I was thinking on the way to the temple how many people in the world have the opportunity like us where we live by 6 temples within a 60 mile radius - not many. It's such a huge blessing! If one is super busy (like Provo was today), no problem, because a ten minute drive away is another one that is less busy!

Anyway, it's going to be sad to not be able to do things with Heidi any more, but I am excited for her to start a new chapter in her life! Love ya girly!

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Polatis Family Christmas Letter

So, my family hasn't done a Christmas letter for two years, and they wanted me and Mike to write about what's been going on for us.. We had too much fun writing this that I can't help but share!

Mike and I met at a BYU Family Home Evening group which is really a training apparatus for future agents. We got orders from the president of the infamous command center, code-named Kolob, to begin a deep-cover operation under the guise of husband and wife beginning January 2009. We were sent undercover to the Grand Wailea Resort in Maui, Hawaii, where we covertly spent nine days gathering intelligence through swimming, snorkeling, shopping, gorging on Hawaiian fruit,  getting sunburned, and even sneaking our very own pet shark through security and back to the mainland, which Mike has lovingly named Jonas. Once we arrived back at headquarters, we were sent on a second mission to Brigham Young University as experts in Business (Mike) and Exercise Science (me), and are expecting to wrap up this operation in the next 18 to 24 months. However, we periodically go missing in action and can usually be found wakeboarding at the mysterious Utah Lake in the summer,  or snowboarding at the Park City ski house, which doubles as a high-tech command center, in the winter. This coming year we are being sent on a third undercover mission for two weeks to Europe, where we will engage in several classified activities.